How to successfully balance being a wife and mom

At the end of last year, I attended a vision board event sponsored by a few local female entrepreneurs. I love “girls time” so I went for the fun of documenting what I hoped to accomplish in the new year and to have a fun-filled Sunday afternoon with a group of like-minded ladies.

I got so much more from that session than I anticipated when I came across ONE saying in a magazine clipping…It jumped off the pages and was immediately embedded into my head…

“It is not your responsibility to always make it happen”

As women, we always want to ensure that everyone is taken care of. When you become a wife and (especially a mom) the need to take care of everything (and everyone) magnifies! It’s almost as if we’re so used to being in overdrive that we become more likely to carry the burden for others regardless of how we are impacted by carrying the extra baggage. We too often do not require (and sometimes do not even encourage others) to fulfill their own commitments and responsibilities. In our professional and personal lives, we are often playing the “hero” and running to make “it” happen!

I’ll admit there have been scenarios where I’ve enjoyed being the one responsible for “making it happen” because that meant it was done according to my personal specifications and to my liking. The most valuable lesson I have learned throughout my life is the ability to recognize tough situations that I have created for myself.

Being a wife and mom is a constant balancing act, but I had to step back and examine the things I was taken on that were adding little value and lots of stress to my life.

The list was massive and I realized I was coming to the “rescue” way too much! It was clear that I was spending too much time fixing things or making other people’s problems my responsibility, and not enough time on simply enjoying my life.

What was even more disheartening was realizing the same people whose problems I was taking on were living much more quality lives than I was. 🙁

Often times when you set yourself up to be the fixer,  people forget that you may also need fixing. You’re not built as iron-strong as you portray and sometimes you want to hear “are you okay?” or “is there anything you need me to help you with?” Beyonce said it best though: “Who’s going to save the hero after she saves the world?” (I love that song).

Make time for yourself

I decided to make a lot more time for myself! To start, my husband and I implemented “your day off.” I get my one day out of the week where I don’t have to worry about picking up the kids from school, transporting them to after-school activities, cooking, cleaning, etc., and he gets his one day as well. I spend my one day doing whatever I want! I may get a facial, get my nails done, catch up on reality T.V., or you may catch me at a bar alone sipping lemon drop martinis and having a quiet dinner for one!

Set clear boundaries

Moving that mantra into my professional life has been quite the challenge! When it comes to business and the workplace we are a very “what can you do for me and what value do you add” society! But that can play in a go-getter’s favor 😉 Be sure that if you are the person who is sought after for a strong ability to make it happen in the workplace, you’re rewarded accordingly. BUT draw a line and set boundaries early to avoid being an enabler or allowing people to just dump unwanted problems on your plate.

Set expectations upfront, and make your role clear so that you never face any issue with having to balance more than one person should. Remember, communication is the key to any successful relationship whether it’s a working or personal relationship.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Lastly, don’t sweat the small things! If there is something that is your responsibility and you just can’t fix it or there’s that one day when you just don’t feel like fixing it, guess what? The world will still move on 🙂

Rhea