Single vs Married: 4 Things We Wish You Understood

I vividly recall the day I felt like a real outcast.  I married Travis at age 26, when most of my friends were still single. I remember logging onto Facebook one day and saw my crew having what looked like an amazing ladies night out.  I searched my call log for a missed call or text and my email for a missing invite.  NOTHING.  It was official…I was outcast by my single friends.  To this day, they didn’t know my feelings were hurt, but they were.  Why do friendships change after marriage?  Why would they not extend me the invite too?  Marriage Changes Friendships. Period. Many people think they always change for the worse. Even though, I’ve felt like an outcast at times,  I’ve been fortunate enough to have my marriage strengthen some of my friendships, like the one  I have with my BFF, who’s also now good friends with my husband too! Being on both sides of the spectrum, here are the top 4 things married women wish their single friends understood. Share this post with your single friend(s) that you’ve been having trouble articulating these sentiments to!

Dear Single Friend:

1. I’m married, not dead. Please don’t treat me as if I no longer have a social existence!
   • Please don’t do group outings without notifying me (especially if it’s an outing I would have been invited to pre-marriage)
   • Don’t assume I’m too busy with my “new married life.” A girls’ still got to eat and spend “tea time” with her friends!
2. You’re the only person bothered by the background noise.  The sounds of children; screaming, crying, whining or yelling is as normal to me as the radio playing in the car at this point
3. It’s killing me that we can’t talk for hours at a time anymore too.
4. My new married friends are not meant to replace you.  They’re a part of a sisterhood I need to keep me sane and they often remind me that I am putting way too much energy into a situation you may unintentionally advise me to just leave about

PLUS, Fab Wives – we’re not off the hook either.  Friendship is a two way street so I’m calling US out on a few things we need to understand too.

Dear Fab Wives:.

1. The more outings you decline, the less invites you will receive.  Don’t be mad when they stop calling if you’ve declined the last 4 invites to brunch!
2. Don’t monopolize the conversation.  They don’t always want to hear about our life, our kids, etc!
3. Unless they specifically ask, it’s not okay to plan play dates with other wives and moms and invite your single friend to tag along.
4. Don’t dismiss your single friends issues. Just because we’re married, doesn’t mean our problems are more complex or greater than our single friends.

Maintaining friendships with your single friends after marriage is tough, but not impossible.  The bond between my best friend (Angie) & I continues to grow strong year after year.  We fully respect and appreciate our different seats in life and we’re both a fan of the other! No, we don’t talk everyday and to be honest weeks can go by without contact.  Because of that our time together is always well spent and more meaningful than ever!

As with any relationship, communication is key.  If you’re having difficulties working through a tough situation with someone you truly care about, being vulnerable should be okay.  If they are truly your friend – they would never dismiss or discount your feelings. If the information is not received well, then perhaps it’s time to appreciate what was…

Rhea